House of Alcina

I battled depression and survived a suicide attempt.

That’s probably the bravest thing I ever went through without anybody really watching, because no one knew how bad it had gotten. I never told anyone I wanted to hurt myself. I was still smiling, laughing, going through my normal routines and carrying on with life, as most people who are suicidal do.

That experience is also why you’ll never hear me casually joke about killing myself or speak flippantly about suicide. I don’t think it’s cute, funny, edgy, or something that makes someone more interesting. Suicide is very real, and more often than not the people struggling the most aren’t lying in bed crying or openly talking about how depressed they are. Sometimes they’re the ones laughing with you and doing everything they normally do, and everyone is completely shocked when something happens.

I don’t remember much about that night, but I remember waking up in the emergency room after having my stomach pumped and hearing people talk about my liver being in distress. That was terrifying.

I survived something privately that most people around me never even knew I was fighting. And looking back, I think there was a lot of bravery in simply making it to the other side. I don’t talk about it really. It’s not something that I’m proud of, but at the same time it’s part of my story and something I had to get through on my own.

I love life now. Even with all the grief and trauma that I’ve experienced in the last 10 years I have never felt like that again and I’m very happy to say that. It’s definitely one of the things that has made me appreciate life though.

I wish that everyone who has attempted that was given an opportunity to wake up in an ER and have another chance. I think a lot of them would be glad if they did.