Some people use “be nice” as a shield, not a standard. They expect grace for themselves while giving very little of it to anyone else. “Be nice” is sometimes just another way of saying, “Don’t hold me accountable for how I treated you.” Then they use your reaction to their meanness as an excuse for their own behavior. They point to your reaction instead of what caused it. Kindness without accountability is just another form of manipulation.

This is how so many people get away with pretending to be the victim when they’re actually the bully. Just because you’re sneaky about being a bully and other people don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. At the end of the day, you still have to live with yourself.

Good luck with that.