I want to tell you a little bit about my husband this morning.

Gary has always been open about the fact that he was sexually abused as a child, but that is obviously not something you bring up in everyday conversation. What happened to him affected far more than just his childhood. It shaped the way he viewed trust, relationships, and intimacy. For a long time, he wondered if something was wrong with him because he was not wired the way he thought other men were supposed to be.

His sister, who was also abused, dealt with it in almost the opposite way. That is another thing people do not always understand about sexual abuse. Two people can survive similar experiences and respond in completely different ways. Some survivors become fearful of intimacy, while others may become overly sexual or seek validation through sex. For Gary, it created deep questions about trust and whether his own desires were safe or good.

There was nothing wrong with him. He simply needed to feel safe.

When we got together, there were a lot of late-night conversations. He trusted me with the parts of his story he had carried quietly for years, and in that trust, something beautiful happened. It healed parts of him that desperately needed healing.

We have always maintained an extremely healthy and loving sex life, and I truly believe one of the biggest reasons is that he trusts me immensely. For him, physical intimacy has always been deeply connected to emotional safety. He knew very quickly that he was safe with me, that our relationship was faithful, that I was faithful, and that anything shared between us would always be rooted in love and trust.

That bond between us became unshakable. Out of that love came two beautiful children and the family we built together. We have also walked through multiple heartbreaking losses, including losing twins at three months, but through it all, we built a home where we could be completely safe. What happened to him as a child did not get to define the man, husband, or father he became. That POS did not take that from him.

I think men need that kind of safety far more than we realize. Women often process things by talking, writing, or calling a friend. Men very often carry them or make jokes about them. They bury hurts, fears, shame, trauma, and depression because they do not know who is safe enough to trust with them. They need people who will simply listen without judgment and remind them that they are not carrying those burdens alone.

All of that has become part of Gary’s testimony. It has become the foundation for building a completely new life.

I said all of that to say this.

That is one of the reasons my husband has become so close to a young guy he works with. Over the last few years, he has watched him completely change his life. He got off drugs, quit drinking, got married, found Christ, and has worked hard to become a different man. Gary has shared his own testimony with him, not because he has all the answers, but because he knows what it feels like to carry pain quietly and how much it matters to finally have someone safe enough to trust.

I think he has been really nervous about having a baby, and Gary has just been trying to explain to him what a blessing a child is and how it is one of the most wonderful things a man can ever experience. Obviously, that is not the case for all men, but he wants him to understand that there is true joy in being a parent.

Well, over the last four evenings, we have been watching sermons together on YouTube, and nearly every one of them has centered on the same message: pay attention to the needs around you. We already try to help where we can. We sponsor children, help families at Christmas, donate meals, support our church, and I love encouraging our friend Brad in his music ministry. I do not say any of that in a braggadocious way or because I think we are doing anything exceptional. None of us can do everything, but all of us can do something. I think we should all be looking for ways to help one another in whatever ways we are able. But these sermons felt different. It felt like God was preparing our hearts for something specific.

Then last night, he got a phone call. The young man he has been mentoring called to tell him that his wife had lost their first baby late in her pregnancy.

The moment he told me, I knew. This was the need God had been preparing us to see.

He is in a position to walk beside this young husband because he understands what it means to survive deep pain and find healing in Christ. Maybe my role is to come alongside his wife. I have never met her, but tonight I am sending dinner and writing her a letter. I have experienced pregnancy loss too, including losing twins years ago. None of my losses were as late in pregnancy as hers, and I would never pretend to know exactly how she feels. But I do know the heartbreak of losing a baby, and I know how lonely grief can be. If nothing else, I hope she knows she does not have to carry it alone.

I don’t think God was simply reminding us to help people. I think He was reminding us to become trustworthy people. The kind of people someone calls on the worst day of their life. The kind of people who can hold someone else’s pain without trying to fix it.

Not all things can be fixed. Some just need to be carried together.

Please throw up a prayer for this young man and his wife- that they can continue to grow stronger together after this loss.