We were headed out this morning when Gary stopped to help a man change a tire right past the entrance to our neighborhood.

I’m trying not to be rude here, but I have to be honest: men just do not seem as manly as they used to.

This was a grown man, probably in his 30s, who did not know how to change a tire and seemed almost afraid to try because he did not want to get dirty. I sat in the car for most of it, but I heard Gary tell him, “You really need to learn how to do this, because it probably won’t be the last time you have to.”

And he was right.

I understand that not every man had a father or someone else who taught him how to change a tire. There is no shame in not knowing something you were never shown. But there used to be an expectation that a grown man would at least be willing to roll up his sleeves, get dirty and learn how to handle the problem in front of him.

That willingness seems to be disappearing.

Gary and I have also talked about how much the outward differences between men and women seem to be fading. The last time we were at Dillard’s, we walked through the men’s department and were surprised by all the matching embroidered sets, decorative prints and coordinated pastel linen outfits. Meanwhile, Gary was just hoping to find another plain black T-shirt. 😂

Then you walk through the mall and see women dressed in men’s athletic shorts and men’s muscle shirts, while the men are wearing carefully coordinated “outfits” in pastel colors and styles that once would have been marketed almost exclusively to women.

Look, of course everyone is free to dress however they please. I am not suggesting that clothing determines someone’s character or that every man has to wear work boots and every woman has to wear a dress.

Still, I cannot help feeling that something has shifted beyond clothing. There seems to be a softness and refinement disappearing from women at the same time that strength, capability and ruggedness are disappearing from men.

Maybe I am simply old-fashioned, but I miss a time when men seemed proud to be masculine and women were not embarrassed to be feminine. I miss men who were willing to get their hands dirty, protect their families and figure things out. I miss seeing women embrace softness, elegance and the kind of quiet strength that does not need to imitate a man in order to be powerful.

Men and women do not have to look, dress or behave exactly alike to be equal. There was something beautiful about the contrast between masculinity and femininity, and sometimes I wish we had not become so determined to erase it.

Sometimes I really do think I was born in the wrong era. Things feel strange out there these days.

Anyway, Gary was happy to help. I do not think they exchanged more than 20 words. When he finished, Gary patted the hood of the man’s SUV and said, “All right, man. You’re good.” They mumbled their goodbyes, exchanged a quick handshake and that was it.

I hope this post does not come across as cruel. I am simply observant, and I cannot help noticing how different the world feels from the one I grew up in.

Maybe I should stop hoping it will ever be the way it used to be, because it probably will not. But I also cannot help being who I am or feeling what I feel.

And the truth is, I really do miss the world I grew up in.