Gary has been off since Thursday, and it’s been so nice. He usually does 10 on, 4 off, but he took Friday off because of the AC crisis. But now it’s time to get back to the routine.

Technically, there is no routine right now, but I try to maneuver my schedule around his as much as possible since it’s summer and the kids are kind of doing their own thing.

I am so sunburned tonight. Yesterday I decided to get in and clean the pool out today because the little storm we had sent crêpe myrtle flowers all over the top of the swimming pool. They will eventually end up in the filter basket, but it’s easier just to jump in and get them out with a net. That turned into me getting on the phone with my sister-in-law for four hours while wading around and laying out. 🤪

It’s so funny because Jessica is Gary’s sister, who is so incredibly quiet, but she is not with me. Once we start talking, we can spend the whole day on the phone.

She’s so excited about us moving next year, and she seemed to agree with what we’re trying to do.

It’s such a leap of faith, and I have a lot of faith, not only in God, but also in my husband.

The crazy thing is the house we’re looking at won’t cost much more than what we’ll hopefully be selling our home for. It’s farther toward the city, and the properties aren’t as expensive. We had never really considered moving toward the city, but when we saw this place, we just fell in love with it. It’s such a big place, and being gated and surrounded by forest makes you feel like you’re in the middle of nowhere. You forget that you’re actually surrounded by the city. Another good thing is that the property taxes are a lot lower there. It’s really perfect.

My only real worry is that we’re putting our lives on hold, both mentally and emotionally, by committing to an idea that we can’t make official for at least a year, when they begin Phase 2.

That’s kind of scary. What if we miss out on a wonderful home in the meantime, and for some reason, we change our minds or it doesn’t work out? It’s just a lot to have hanging in the air for an entire year.

But it is kind of crazy that this whole time I’ve been telling Gary I wanted to wait a year before we moved. I keep thinking about that. It’s almost like a sign. I don’t really believe in signs, but I do believe God sends us little winks every now and then, and it felt like that. When the guy said, “It’ll be this time next year,” I looked at Gary and grinned, and he nodded at me.

I think the one thing Jessica said to me today that I needed to hear from someone other than Gary, because he has said similar things, was that even if it doesn’t pan out, we’ve now found a home we completely agree on and an area we know would work for our family throughout the kids’ schooling and for the rest of our lives.

So if, for some reason, it did not work out, we’ve found a floor plan we love, and there’s no shortage of properties in that area. Of course, that’s not what we want to happen because that’s even more time, but I think the point is that regardless of anything, we’re going to end up where God wants us to be, and either way, it’ll be okay.

I’m just going to use this as a time to exercise my faith and continue to keep moving forward like we always do. It has been our mission to make this home as nice as we can so that one day we can sell it, and I plan to continue that. I want to focus on my kids’ middle school years. No matter what happens, I want to know that we can always look back at this house and remember it as such a sweet time in our lives.

We have had so many wonderful memories in this house. I can’t say that about our house in Land O’ Lakes. That was such an awful time for me. I was running from grief. I look back at pictures of that house, and I hardly even remember it, to be honest. It was like I was going through the motions, but I wasn’t really breathing. I wasn’t really alive. I get the sickest feeling when I look at pictures of that house.

But this house is sweet. It’s filled with love, and it’s filled with God. Something always felt so dark about that house in Land O’ Lakes, and this is the lightest feeling home we’ve ever had. I’m not just saying that. Everyone who comes here says this is the sweetest, most charming little house, and it feels so peaceful. It’s such a compliment, and we’ve heard it on multiple occasions. I have prayed over every doorframe in this house. It was such a blessing to us after a very long, emotionally exhausting journey through grief.

Losing Jay a week after moving back to this area threw such a wrench into everything, but we came out on the other side, and I’m so grateful.

Okay, that’s it.

I’m not going to talk about that house anymore because there’s really no reason to. Not yet. It’s just a house. Yes, it has more closet space and a bigger kitchen, and that’s wonderful, but it’s still just a house. What makes me emotional and excited is the love we have as a family and the idea of pouring that into another space and making it ours. That makes me emotional. That makes me feel good. That makes me feel very grateful.

So that’s what I’ll be praying about and looking forward to in the future. For now, I’ll focus on the same things I’ve always been focused on, which are raising my kids and loving my husband.

Now I’m about to lie in bed and find a good movie to watch.

🤗🤗🤗