We celebrated Gage tonight, and it was one of those evenings I want to press into a keepsake and hold forever.

But something else happened tonight that I can’t stop thinking about. Gage mentioned my Mom out of nowhere and said he missed her so much, and just a few minutes after he left my room, he came and got me. Come look, Mom. You have to see this. A bluebird and a cardinal on the back deck.

It’s never the same two birds, but it is always those two kinds. Always a bluebird. Always a cardinal. Always together. I truly believe it’s mom and my brother (Jaybird), checking in, or God giving me a little nod. I know it feels deeply personal, and very much like my Mother bc it’s always right on time- as she was.

I just know what I know. It’s been happening for years.

Then I went looking in my Amazon Photos for old pictures of Gage on his little starter drum kit, and I fell into a folder of scanned photos I’d forgotten were there. I scanned them 7 years ago today. Me as a little girl with my mother. My brother as a boy etc.

It got my mind reeling about what is really important. A lot of things have been coming into focus for me lately, and tonight my focus sharpened even more.

My Mom always seems to “show up” when I’m thinking right and going in the right direction. So I try to think about what’s recently been going on when I feel her.

I’ve been recognizing that I spend too much of my time thinking about the past instead of planning for the future. I have also given energy and attention to people who aren’t worth the time it took to make them. Lots of wasted time and energy that went nowhere. But I’ve been separating myself from those things bc I refuse to do that anymore, but it’s still nice to gain a new perspective on it.

I’m also just taking more time for things that are important to me lately and I’ve stopped letting myself worry about dumb stuff that doesn’t matter or I can’t control.

I’ve been spending more intimate time with my husband, which is easier bc the kids are getting older, and more time in my Bible and with my kids. I do spend a lot of time fussing about politics online bc I’m deeply passionate about it, but I’m simplifying what I’m willing give my thoughts and time to these days.

What I actually care about in this life is not very complicated- my children, my husband, my spirituality, and my country.

Those things get all of me.

That’s not misdirected energy. And it feels really good to be clear on that.

And looking at these pictures tonight (below), I was thinking about how strong my Mom was, and how opinionated she was about the very things that people say it’s taboo and tacky to speak about, and it reminded me who I came from! She was soft and often wrote poetry (I have so many of her journals), but she was sometimes feisty and bold, and she raised a little hell when needed. I loved that about her. I still love that about her.

Anyway, tonight my Mom showed up, and reminded me of all of that, and I am so grateful.

I really do have the sweetest little family. I have the sweetest husband and kids. I had the sweetest childhood. I had the sweetest mother. I am so blessed. I am so thankful.

I wish that I felt my Father more, but I think sometimes that’s my fault. I’ve found a lot of forgiveness in the last several years, but I’m still repairing that relationship, even though he’s no longer here.

I love them all, and I’m so thankful that I felt so connected to them on Gage’s special day.