House of Alcina

Well, I picked the wrong day to try to drive to the apothecary to get my meds. I had no idea, but there’s a parade for Keyla Richardson, the American Idol contestant from Pensacola today. She must’ve made it into the top three because they’re doing the hometown parade thing. It seems kind of strange to have that in the middle of the week, but it sure was packed. We decided to turn around. We’ll head over tomorrow. Gulf breeze is like a little island, so once you get on that bridge there’s no turning back.

I still have have plenty. Another great thing about having my meds done at a compounding pharmacy is when I pick up my vials there are always several extra doses. My first vial that was supposed to last for a month had enough in it for 2 months. They tell you to discard it after 28 days, but it hasn’t lost his effectiveness, so I’ve been using it, and will continue to.

I am tired today. Gage’s ear hurt last night so he was up kinda late. He went on to school, but I know he had to be so tired.

I love that kid. He went through a little phase where he was all about that teenage angsty stuff, but he seems to have come out of that recently. He spends a lot of time with me. I’ll be in his room doing something and one of his friends will call and he’ll have them on speakerphone or something and I’ll kind of be quiet and try to not to let his friends hear me, and he notices me doing that. Somehow, it came up at dinner the other night how I get all quiet and he said “I don’t know why you do that, you act like I’m embarrassed of you or something. You’re my mom and I don’t care what my friends think about you being in my room or talking to me bc you’re supposed to be doing that stuff. Don’t make it weird.”

I don’t know why, but that made me feel emotional when he said that. Around the age of 13 my brother clammed up so much. He hardly talked to any of us. I don’t know why, but I just sort of expected it would be the same way with Gage. He reminds me a lot of Jay in a lot of ways. But I guess not in that way.

He’s still really wants time with me, even when his friends are here.

I know that might change once he starts driving and gets his first girlfriend, but maybe I’ll be one of those lucky moms that gets to stay involved, and he won’t push me away too hard. We really do have a strong bond. He’s my baby.

I know I say this a lot, but it’s the truth- he’s never spent a single day or night away from me with the exception of the night that Norah Harper was born. I’ve never ever needed or wanted anyone else to care for my children. We’ve just always been really close.

Norah on the other hand is pulling away from me. I can’t say that I saw that one coming, but like I said, Gage kinda did that around the age of 11 to 12 and he’s come back around a little bit. Maybe she’ll do the same thing. She’s very sweet, and she’s very helpful around the house, and I know that she loves me deeply just from the way that she looks at me, but she spends a lot of time alone. She tells me she needs that, and I think she does too. I’m more than happy to give it to her, as long as I know that she’s emotional emotionally and mentally OK. She seems to be a very happy child, and she’s well liked at school. Her grades fell a lot this year, but that was more because of the school structure issues that I discussed on here a while back.

I just love them and worry about them.

They both pretty popular and have lots of friends, so I don’t have to worry too much about them being bullied or any of that, and they’re sweet enough I don’t have to worry about them being on the other end of that either, which in my opinion would be even worse. I’ve always told them I’m will not raise bullies. I guess I mostly just worry about peer pressure, and thr type of friends that they choose, and I do worry, but they will come a point that they won’t let me so involved in their lives. I just love them so much.

My Mom used to tell me how hard it would be to let go and let them grow up, and she was right, but I think the fact that it hurts so much, speaks big volumes about our relationships and the size of our love. I think it’s why I hurt my mom so much, because she was such a good one. She was one of the best. I wish I had half of whatever it was that my Mom was made up of in me.

I know this much, I would do every second of it again if I could. Being a Mama has been the greatest blessing of my whole life.

I guess subconsciously I’ve had a lot of emotional things on my mind because I know Mother’s Day is coming. I try really hard not to think about it, but it really gets to me every year. I miss her.

We sent some perfume to Gary’s Mom, and it already arrived so I’m glad we got that done. I refused to send any more flowers because the last few times we’ve ordered her flowers they didn’t look anything like what we ordered. What a waste of time and money. I figure perfume is one of those things that even if you have it, you’ll eventually need more. We got her that new Versace and it smells really good. She seemed to be very pleased with it.

I told Gary all I want is to go to the nursery and pick out a few plants. I’m sure he’ll end up doing more than that because that’s just who he is, but I really hope he doesn’t because I don’t need a thing! I just want some pretty plants replace some of what I lost last year. As I mentioned on my other post, from being on my back so long, a lot of things weren’t getting watered and I lost quite a few plants. All my indoor plants are fine, but I lost several in my sunroom area.

Sometimes life happens like that.

Well, I guess that is all I had on my mind today. Just good ol’ every day stuff. Y’all have a blessed day!