Always a good sermon but we watched it from bed today. We all have a really bad cold.

My favorite quote today was:

“Show me your closest friend and I’ll show you your future.”

We talk to our kids a LOT about the company they keep, so that rang loudly in my ears.

While today’s sermon was mostly about not letting others people’s traumas stress us out.. (a follow up from last week) it was also about the fact that most of our discomfort is self created and sabotaged by the people around us. Sometimes it’s just poor character, and sometimes it’s people who tell us we’re doing great rather than telling us the truth because they don’t want to upset us. Those aren’t the friends we need.

I have distant family members like that. They will tell me how great I look, when I know I look terrible or blow smoke up my butt about silly things. They’re trying to be kind but it’s not helpful from people we’re close to. We need people that call us on our BS.

That’s why we’re studying the book of James. He didn’t write a lot in theology. He emphasized orthopraxy more than orthodoxy. He just tells us straight up what we need to do to be happy. We need that sometimes.. We actually need to be somewhere in the middle of the two.. “Christ centered” – but sometimes common sense fails us.

We also need to align our relationships either people we admire and want to be more like, because like it or not… it’s often exactly who we become. Gary thinks I pick people who need a lot of help. He thinks I don’t get to really enjoy my female relationships bc I pick badly damaged people who always have a lot of problems. Maybe that’s true. That has certainly been the case in recent years. I’m not sure why I do that. I initially want to help but sometimes situations are above my ability.

But all of that effects us.. You know? When Gary shares his testimony with people it’s always such a tear jerker. His lack of self esteem, sexual abuse, lack respect for himself, the people around him that used him, the disrespect he took from people (even family) is heartbreaking. I think it’s one reason he likes JD Vance so much. He related to Hillbilly Elegy and it affected him so much when he read his book a few years ago. The good thing is, if we break away from people and cycles that are contributing to our oppression and low self worth- we flourish.

He always recalls a particular night that he was at bar (we had just started talking to one another through messaging and phone calls). He said he kept noticing these 2 older women, in their 40’s he assumed, that were hanging on 2 younger guys and making fools of themselves and how ridiculous they looked. He said in that moment he felt sorry for them and it grossed him out to think about being that age one day and still living like that. He says that it was a catalyst to get his shit together and do something different with his life. It was just a moment where he made a decision he was going to do something different with his life.

He called me that night and we talked all night on the phone. He really made a decision in that very moment, that he didn’t have to be anywhere he didn’t want to be, and that he was capable of doing anything he wanted and that he didn’t want to waste his life. That’s all takes sometimes to change our lives. Just a realization- just a moment.

I’ve been his biggest cheerleader since that night and he has been mine. It was that same year he stopped denying that God was not only real, but he was working in his life and he has been ever since.

It’s those defining moments that change us forever. Those aha moments where you see where you’re headed and know you need to divert or pivot, and sometimes that means not letting people tag along or having to walk in a different direction than everyone else.

So yes, he’s right, I need to be more picky about the people I let into my circle. I always want to be able to help friends that are going through hard stuff, but I also need women in my life that are emotionally strong and don’t need that kind of support all the time. I have been through a LOT the last few years, but I don’t ever reach out or burden people with that stuff. In fact it’s the last thing I usually talk about with my friends. That’s why I have a spouse and a wonderful, loving God and Heavenly Father. We’re all a mess but the goal is to try to get better every day.

So… That’s my Sunday sermon breakdown…Thank you Lord for Gary, and for aligning us. 🙏🏼🤍 Help our children also align themselves with people who want to serve and glorify you.