I accidentally posted this earlier thinking I had it in my drafts. I still needed to edit it and rewrite a few things but here it is, shortened and more to the point. My apologies for the unedited draft!

A lot of you know that my father passed away when I was in my 20s. What most of you don’t know is that for 26 years, I’ve carried something quietly. A weight I rarely talked about, even though it never really left.

I’ve wondered about his soul.
Is he in Heaven?

My father died at 52 of alcoholism. He had a lot of demons. He suffered. A lot. I do believe he repented and had time before his death to make peace, but none of us can know that with certainty.

But after losing my mom and then my brother, that question only got heavier, not lighter. Because when my brother passed, something happened that I’ll never forget, and I’ve shared it before, but for my new readers, I had a vision. I saw my mom and my brother together. I didn’t know he was deceased yet. I woke my husband up and told him, “I know he’s gone. He’s in heaven. I just saw him with my Mom.”

I believe that was given to me for a reason. I needed to find his body and rescue his dog, but I never had anything like that with my dad. No dream. No moment. No quiet sense of peace that he was okay, and after experiencing something so clear with my mom and brother, his absence from that started to bother me more, not less. Why wasn’t he in that vision too?

So on Easter evening, I was praying out loud, more like having a conversation, and I told God this had been heavy on my heart for a long time. That I couldn’t shake it. And I just asked Him, if there was any way to give me peace about it, even something small, a verse, a scripture, anything, I would be so thankful for it. I just needed something to help my heart rest when I think about him. Even if it was just peace about NOT knowing.

So then I let it go. I forgot about it. But then today, I was texting my Aunt about something completely unrelated. We were talking about an Airbnb we booked for Christmas. Normal conversation. And of nowhere, she mentions (oh, btw..) that my uncle who passed away a few weeks ago, which I was aware of, as he was taking his last breaths, he called out my father’s name. Several times. He also called out Annie Ruth, my grandmother, my dad’s mother. My Aunt said it was like he could see them and was talking to them.
I cannot explain what that did to my heart.

I talk to my Aunt maybe two or three times a year. We weren’t anywhere near that subject. And yet there it was, exactly what I had prayed for, delivered through a completely ordinary conversation about Christmas plans.

That is how God works. Not always loud. Not always obvious. But always intentional. Always right on time. He hears the things we carry quietly for years. He cares about the burdens we’ve stopped mentioning because we’ve carried them so long they just feel like part of us. And when He answers, He does it in a way that is so specific, so perfectly timed, that you cannot talk yourself out of it.

I obviously cannot know with certainty where my Father is, but I believe God wanted me to have peace with it and stop worrying about it all the time.

Even my Aunt said, “Jennifer, stop worrying over your Daddy. Wherever he is, he is finished with this life. But I believe your Daddy cried out to God in his suffering and I believe God heard him.”

I haven’t felt peace about my dad in 26 years.Tonight I do. And I just needed to share because if you’re carrying something you’ve been afraid to even say out loud, say it anyway. He’s listening. And His timing is never late. Ask him to do it in such a way that you’ll know it can’t be anyone else! He’s an amazing Father!