Before bed last night I felt my mind stirring. I asked God to send me a word. To reveal to he what I needed to feel peace and sleep.

Luke 6.

The core of Christianity and the thing I battle with. Forgiveness.

If I’m honest, loving my enemies is the hardest part of following Jesus for me. Luke 6 says, “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” I read those words and I know they’re true, but living them out feels like a deep battle inside me.

I carry a lot of anger. When someone hurts me, I don’t naturally want to pray for them. I want to hold on to what they did and let the bitterness justify itself. Forgiveness doesn’t come easy, and love feels like the last thing I want to offer, especially when it happens over and over. But I also know God hasn’t commanded that I reconcile, or allow them into my life. He just wants me to let it go.

He’s never stopped forgiving me. He loved me when I was against him. He keeps showing me mercy, and he asks me to reflect that same mercy. So I’m working on it. Some days it’s just a small prayer through clenched teeth. 😂

So, this isn’t past tense. I’m not writing this as someone who has figured it out. I’m in the middle of it, asking God daily to help me release anger and replace it with love. And I believe every time I take a step toward forgiveness, He might be softening my heart and shaping me to look a little more like him.